Darkness…
Darkness…
Darkness...
Darkness is a scary place to be in, especially when you feel like you’re all alone.
I was 15 years old when I first attempted suicide. I didn’t want to feel. I was alone, I was scared, and I was angry. At 15 years old, I didn’t understand what self-love was. People talk to you about having self-esteem, but what is self-esteem if you don’t have self-love?
At 15 years old, I wanted so badly to be loved and for someone to understand me. I didn’t want to be in such a dark place anymore. It was becoming hard to breathe and I felt the depth of my despair.
Depression is a silent killer. Sometimes we’re in a state of depression and don’t even know it.
I didn’t know what depression was at the time but looking back I was a depressed teenager.
Darkness is a scary thing to feel.
Despaired. Suffering in silence, I always wore a smile on my face to hide the fact that I was in complete darkness and needed help.
Oftentimes, we refuse to share our darkness with others because we don’t want to be a burden. Instead, we pretend everything's OK, when it’s not.
As I said in the beginning of my first self-love post, I had a conversation with myself, I wanted to be happy but I had to learn how to create light in my life so that this darkness didn’t consume me.
It wasn’t easy.
I’m not going to tell you that the road to discovering self-love is easy. Everyone has a different story. Our paths are not the same
But I do know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
They’re millions of people out there trying to discover themselves daily. Even those who are rich and famous.
I wished someone would’ve realized the darkness I was in and told me that everything was going to be OK, that I wasn’t alone, maybe I wouldn’t have tried a 2nd and 3rd attempt. But as I said in my post yesterday, I can’t live in the past. Yes, I may have had regrets but I’ve learned to live with them and accept that everything happens for a reason.
You are not alone. Whenever you feel like darkness is setting in, talk to someone. Anyone!
It’s not always easy to share your feelings but trust me someone will listen. I will listen, if ever you need someone to talk to, I WILL LISTEN, I want to be there for you because we all need someone we can rely on. It takes a village.
If you’re in darkness at this very moment, just know that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just gotta keep pushing ahead. Don’t lose hope.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” -Desmond Tutu
Update, February 2021: Due to a server crash, I lost 80% of my blog content. At first I was extremely sad because all my comments, views and status was lost. But, I try to find the silver lining and accept that everything happens for a reason. I wrote a 31 days of self love post in 2017. Some content were able to be saved others wasn't. I chose to share what remained because it helped so many people opened up.